We are all equal!

I have found many times in my life that the things I am least motivated to do/attend are generally the ones I am most glad in the end that I did. Have you ever felt that way?

Last night we had a Young Single Adult activity just like we do every Monday night...but this particular one was one that I was having trouble finding the motivation to go to. There was only 1 reason that I was going, and it wasn't a very good one. I had a "let's get this over with" attitude going into it (which I try to stay away from generally), and I just wasn't feeling like myself.

Now I can say that I am so truly glad that I went! I'm grateful for that 1 reason that gave me enough motivation to go. And I am grateful for the lesson that I was reminded of by being there.

The night began by all of us being told that we were going to play a game, and we were instructed to pick up a post it from the table, and that whatever was written on it that's who we would be for the remainder of the activity. I picked up "engineer", and others around me became lawyers, bankers, teachers, parents, etc. As I looked around more I saw a "drug dealer", "troubled youth", "recovering addict", "young child". and someone who was "homeless". After we were all assigned our characters we were instructed to mingle with the group, and tell everyone a little bit about ourselves. After a few minutes of that we formed a circle, and went around the circle with everyone explaining to the others about who we were, and how we contributed to society. Some had an easier time than others.

Once we had all given our 30 second blurbs on "us" we were told that now our job was to put ourselves in a line ranking from most important to least important. Everyone agreed that parents belonged at the beginning of the line, and then the doctor, nurse, firefighter, etc. but it quickly became more and more difficult to decide. The most important part of the evening was when someone suggested that the homeless man belonged at the "least important" end. To begin with the group was quite divided. Some strongly agreed and others strongly disagreed. With time and discussion the line of division blurred. But something really neat happened...as this discussion was going on our line turned into a circle. Someone ended the conversation by saying "Aren't we all equal in God's eyes? We are all His children and we all deserve love and respect! Just by saying someone's homeless, how does that diminish their worth? We know nothing about him besides the fact that he doesn't have a home. He could be a homeless teacher, or doctor, or lawyer, or daycare worker. We don't know his story. Just because life handed him tougher things to learn from doesn't make him any less important, skilled, or loved, than you and I". It was the same thing I was thinking, but hadn't been brave enough to say, and in that moment I developed an even greater respect and appreciation for that individual for being willing to stand up, and vocalize his opinion in such a way. As that finished the game, we all then sat down to watch a short video, which you can see here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfeXxkbgCVE). It would be wonderful if you could take a minute to watch it!

We really never do know people's stories. We don't know why they are smiling, or crying, or why they're worried, or distant, or thinking about something else. Because we don't have the opportunity to know all these things it is our job to just love them, and do whatever we can to have a positive impact on their lives whether in a big way, or the smallest way. We are all children of God, and everyone deserves to be treated as such :)

Lots of Love

Z

 

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Line Upon Line...

 

I decided to try something different this morning, and as I was getting ready for the day I listened to this video. Please take a minute to watch it! ...actually 3...it's 3 minutes long haha.

Daily Bread: Experience

Sometimes in life, there is nowhere else to turn but to God. Elder D. Todd Christofferson shares a personal experience that taught him to truly pray, recognize answers to prayers, and take life one day at a time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJKmXtoMI5s

I loved starting off my day with this! I have had those experiences where all I could do was turn to the Lord in prayer, and what a difference it has made in my life! It was at those times when things were hardest that I was able to see most clearly how incredible it is to have a close relationship with my Father in Heaven.

It is so amazing to know that I'm not the only person who has felt that way! It is also incredible to know that my Heavenly Father knows me, and loves me enough that He is just waiting there for me to ask for His help and guidance.

I know it can take a great deal of faith to get to the point where it's ok not to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and just have it lit up enough to barely see one step at a time, but I know it's important to go through those times to truly be able to understand how incredible the love that God has for each of us is.

I hope that this video has made as big of a difference in your day as it did in mine!

Lots of Love,

Z

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Life.

"Anyone who is imagines that bliss is normal is going to spend a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.

Life is like an old time rail journey...delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas, and thrilling bursts of speed.

The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride!"

- President Gordon B Hinckley

I love my life! No, it's not perfect. But it is wonderful! I have had the incredible opportunity over the last few weeks to truly just enjoy every moment. It's not an easy thing to do, and there are times I've let old habits and thoughts get the better of me, but each day I am just working hard at doing a little better.

I am so grateful for the opportunities for growth and learning I have been given! I have spent more time at the Temple in the last two weeks than I have total in the previous few months, and it's been amazing. I have learned lots, and had so many special moments. I can't even begin to express how much I love the Temple, and how grateful I am to have had so many opportunities to attend recently.

I love my family and friends! I am so grateful to have so many incredibly wonderful influences for good in my life. I can't adequately express my gratitude to them for being who they are, and to my Heavenly Father for letting them come into my life :)

I love my Saviour! I know He is there, and I know that He knows me personally! I know he hears my prayers, and answers me in the best ways possible for me. I am so grateful for all He has done for me in my life. I love the feelings of comfort and peace that He allows me to feel as I need them and ask for them. I love that I know that He cares for me!

...never forget that He cares for you too!

Lots of Love

Z

 

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Journals

I've never been very good at keeping up with a journal. I've really tried over the years! And sometimes I am better than others. It always seems like I get a good pattern going, and then life gets busy with all these things I really want to write about, and then I get behind, and overwhelmed, and I stop writing completely for a while. It's really sad, because there are moments of my life that I remember...but I would love to be able to go back and truly remember how I truly felt as it was happening.

A couple of months ago a local bookstore was going out of business, and I managed to find some pretty amazing deals. One treasure that I found was a "One Line a Day" journal. I love it sooooo much! It's giving me that opportunity to write a little bit each day, and get in some incredible reflection on my life, without getting overwhelming at all! My favourite part is that it forces me to be brief, so I write about the most important things without getting long winded...which is where I have typically failed in journaling in the past. I love the way it's set up! It is a 5 year journal with one day per page...so as the years go by it will be really easy to see where I was at in my life a year before on that day. I am really looking forward to next year when I get to start that comparison! So far I have something written for every day since May 30...that's a total of 70 days! Definitely the most consistently I've ever written at any point in my life :)

I really know how important it is to keep a journal...not just to watch yourself learn and grow...but also so those coming after you will be able to see you on a personal, human, level. I write a lot about my feelings, and how certain situations effect me, because I think it's an important form of progress measurement.

I hope that I can continue to keep up with this one line a day journal for the next 5 years! It will be fun to look back! If you're like me, and have trouble keeping up with important things that happen in a regular journal try something like this out...it's so easy!

<3 Z

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The Rumour Mill

Hey did you hear?...

The gossip tree is alive and well as of late much to my dismay. As someone who has been very hurt by gossip in the past I do everything I can to avoid it...but every once in a while it seems like it is so much more prevalent around me. In the last month or so I have heard so many rumours being spread around about my friends, my acquaintances, and myself. It causes so much unnecessary drama, and contention...not to mention judgement...I just don't understand the appeal.

Maybe it has something to do with boredom. Or possibly just people practicing their story telling. Whatever it is it has caused a lot of hurt.

So what can be done? Not much. I wish I could tell you the magic cure, but I am still looking for it. Wherever possible don't participate. If people are gossiping around you call them out on it. But most importantly don't judge others. And just love! Love is the purest most amazing way to combat this! If you love others you don't want to see them hurting.

I love you all!

Z

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It's a Wonderful Life!

Today I just feel so blessed to have had a chance to live my life. Is that strange? Maybe so, but let me explain.

Yesterday I worked a shift that went from 1:30 pm - 1 am. After getting home at 1:30 I was so wound up from forcing myself to stay awake for so long that I couldn't sleep...so I caught up on reading some friend's blogs, watched a couple shows, and finally fell asleep sometime between 2:30 and 3. Now, maybe to some of you that doesn't seem that bad, but you have to understand that I'm getting older, and having already pulled off a 3:30 am bedtime once this week my body was complaining when I got up this morning. Part of that may have been a result of knowing that my day today would consist of meetings, etc at the church from 10 am - 8:45 pm. For the first time in a long time I truly struggled getting up, and I felt quite unmotivated for my day.

After making it through my first meeting and lesson I sat in the second lesson block listening to a wonderful lesson on service and helping to make other's lives better through the little things and I began to realize that I was no longer tired...in fact I felt really happy to be there, and my motivation started to return. This continued through the rest of the day, and I am so grateful for that! Besides a small emotional hiccup during a broadcast this afternoon I got through everything quite well I think!

The homestretch of the day for me was during a musical presentation concert tonight. As I got to sit in the pre-performance run through I felt an overwhelming gratitude for being where I am right now. I am grateful for a Father in Heaven who knows me and understands my needs. I am so grateful for a Saviour who loves me unconditionally, and is always there for me through prayer when I need him. I am grateful to my earthly parents who taught me how to sing, and supported me in that as I grew. I am grateful to have music in my life, and be able to share it with others. And lastly, I am grateful for a Missionary who, as he was planning the night of music tonight, chose to take a chance and asked me to participate, never having heard me sing before. I have truly been missing singing in my life lately, and have been blessed with an opportunity to sing now the last 2 weeks, and next week again!

So that's why I am so happy that I got to live my life today. Because I got to feel that beautiful feeling of peace and gratitude that often eludes me in my busy schedule. And it was even sweeter because of the rough start I had this morning! Life is truly amazing, and I am so thankful for those moments when I am reminded of that.

On my way home tonight I was listening to a CD that I haven't heard in a while, and a song that I have truly loved from the first time I heard it came on. The lyrics go like this...

"I see an old woman rocking there

The sun shining softly on her silver hair

I wonder the secrets she holds deep inside

Is she smiling or hiding a tear in her eye?

She watches our day as her story unfolds

For you see, she is you grown old.

And with every decision you make today

You're creating the woman you'll be someday.

Just for now the old woman depends on you

She waits and she watches as you make her dreams come true..."

 

I love the perspective that this song gives me. It continues, but I figured that was enough to get the point across. Each day I truly hope that I am doing all I can be to be making her dreams come true...because I can tell you she has a lot! I am so thankful for the days that I have like today when I really feel like I am exactly where I need to be right in this moment. It helps me to feel like I am heading down the path I should be.

Always remember to trust the Lord and His plan for you. We are so lucky that He can see further down our path than we can :)

Love,

Z

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The Shift...

Have you ever had LDS Missionaries come knock at your door asking if you wanted to hear a message about Jesus Christ? If not, and you don't live under a rock, there is a good possibility that at some point in your life this will happen. When they do I think you should let them in, because they are typically pretty amazing people, and the message they have to share is fantastic! It's a message of Hope, Peace, and Love...and who doesn't need a little more of all of that in their life?

Anyways, I digress. Up until October 2012 the minimum age requirement for those applying to go on a mission for our church was 19 for young men, and 21 for young women. Those desiring to go would then fill out an application form ("papers"), and go through a bunch of interviews, and then finally be assigned an area in which to labour for a specific period of time (typically 18 months for young women, 24 for young men). In October of last year though there was an announcement made by Thomas S Monson (President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) that the minimum age of these young missionaries was being lowered to 18 for young men (with the provision that they had graduated high school or it's equivalent), and 19 for young women. This meant a couple of things... First of all, young men could now begin the application process up to 4 months before graduating high school to minimize the waiting period in between school and leaving (that's what my brother did, and he should be receiving his assignment, or "call" in the mail within a week...eek!). Secondly, it meant that many more young women would probably choose to go.

In our area in the Bigger City that second thing has been happening a lot! We have many girls who have left, and are preparing to leave soon on their missions. This has resulted in a temporary shift from having many more girls than guys in our group (as all the guys were leaving on missions and the girls were sticking around) to now having more guys than girls (as the girls are now leave, and guys are returning from having served their missions).

The result : Tonight I attended the Principles of Leadership class that is currently going on here. During the opening song I was leading the music for the 5 guys, and myself who were singing (there is a couple that teaches the class, so I wasn't the only woman in the room, but she was playing the piano). It was strange to hear all of these wonderful men's voices drowning out my own. It's something I am definitely not used to yet, but, if I'm being totally honest, something I think I will thoroughly enjoy getting used to haha.

It's a good thing I enjoy male company!

Make sure you say hi to our missionaries when you see them out and about...they may be my friends!

Z

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So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish...

I have been so busy figuring out my puzzle lately that I have been neglecting my writing. Oops! Really though the real reason I haven't been writing is because I've had so much to say, and no words with which to say it. It's made me a little bit messed up emotionally, and probably more than a little tough to be around...but such is life.
A year ago I moved into the Bigger City, and got a place with a new roommate. I knew her a little bit before moving out this way, and got to know her even better when I lived with her and her sister temporarily before finding my place out in my Sleepy Town. We made the decision to begin an adventure living together, found a place, and got the keys May 15, 2012. Today it's been just over a year of memories, fun, laughter, and tears that we have shared together, and we are now facing a separation for the next year and a half as she beings her own adventure as a dedicated servant of the Lord in Missouri. We had the opportunity to have this one last day off together to make memories before she leaves on Thursday. So we took advantage of it.
As we headed out for our afternoon "date" together I had so much that I wanted to say, and no idea how to put it into words...but as we walked and talked I remembered all of the reasons that I am so blessed to be able to call her my friend. We don't always see eye to eye, and we definitely have our differences. Life has sometimes thrown us each for a loop, and boys got in the way a few times. I think often those things that we admired in each other led to the biggest misunderstandings. Through it all though I know that she is one of my very best friends, and I couldn't have asked for a better, more loving roommate to have shared moments with me in the last year.
One of my favourite things that we talked about today were our top 5 memories from the last year together. I'm going to list them mostly so I can remember...but also for laughs :)
Her list:
Canada Day 2012...when we had over 30 people in our tiny basement suite, danced around in the London Drugs Parking lot, played Attack Monkey in the Middle, and went on the "safe rides" with the Vancouver Boys at the fair...
Clue...only because I was laughing at her because she was so terrible at playing
Our Pre-Institute dinner date in the back of my van...because the restaurant was closed for a private function. It was steamy...literally haha.
Our completely failed double date...those curve balls that life throws sometimes come really hard and fast and it's hard to figure out what to do with them except laugh!
And today...
My list:
Celebrating her first kiss
When Hermes the Fish died and she cheered
Attending the Temple together for the first time
When she got asked out on a date...and I had to convince her that that's what it was
Our original cuddlefest...none of the others have quite measured up yet
(and I cheated and added today as my 6th)
We also talked about defining moments in our lives this past year, and what life may be like when she comes back in approximately 79 weeks (not that I'm counting...but it already sounds like less in weeks rather than saying 20 whole months).
It was a wonderful way to end this adventure. The beauty of it though is that, as we both turn down our own paths at this fork in the road of life, we both know that we have forged an everlasting bond of friendship...and that brings a wonderful sense of peace...knowing that wherever life takes us from here on out we will always be a part of each other's journey in one way or another.
So for now this is it. I am excited to see what lies ahead!
Love you always My Dear...I am already looking forward to our welcome back date at our tree <3
Z

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The Piece That Doesn't Fit

Have you ever had one of those puzzle pieces that has fallen out of the box, and you can't figure out which puzzle it belongs to, so you just put it on the shelf until you forget about it? Lately I've figured out how that piece feels.

I haven't written much about what it's like being a Nanny. I love it so much! It's such a rewarding job, and so full of funny moments. Today on our way home after library class Miss Munchkin had a conversation with Baby Munchkin that cracked me up! It played out like this...

Miss M: "Baby M can you say glasses?"

Baby M tries

Miss M: "Baby M can you say button?"

Baby M tries

Miss M: "Baby M can you say car?"

Baby M tries

Miss M: "Baby M can you say Yaya? (the girl's name for me)"

Baby M: "Yup!"

It made me laugh out loud. It really is wonderful watching them learn and grow. I am so blessed to work for such amazing families who treat me with kindness and love.

No matter how amazing it is though it's also the reason I feel like that puzzle piece on the shelf. 9 hours of the day I get to sing songs, read books, snuggle, dance, imagine, wrestle, kiss boo boos better, swing at the playground, make baby food, go for walks, and have play dates. I get to talk to moms, enjoy 'adult time', and learn from them. I get to enjoy every minute of having little ones around who look up to me, and love me.

When supper time rolls around though I give them back. I get to head back home and be an adult. So my puzzle piece doesn't quite fit in the 'caregiver' puzzle.

When I go home I am all of a sudden back to being a young single adult. I can do what I want when I want. Nobody will scream if I don't have dinner ready by a certain time. Nobody is there to ask me to help fix a broken toy. I get to be free. But I feel like I don't quite fit there either. I don't have endless energy to stay out until all hours, or even the desire to. My "today at work" stories are all about kids, and don't really get a big response from the other YSAs. I don't often go out on dates, and when people come over I tend to do the cooking and cleaning around them while they play games, and talk. More often than not lately I feel separate from the group...like I'm just there out of convenience more than anything else. I feel like my piece doesn't quite go into that puzzle either.

I have been starting to feel a little bit forgotten lately...like it's not worth other's time to try to help me figure out which puzzle I might actually fit in to. I realize this isn't really anyone's fault but mine. As I try to solve the mystery though, and find my puzzle box I am grateful to know that I will always fit in the box marked "Daughters of God". No matter how alone and forgotten I feel I know that my Heavenly Father is always there to listen to me, and help guide my path, and for that I am truly grateful...

Z

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A Child of God

This morning I checked my Facebook. Not too far down on my newsfeed was a photo of a man with many tattoos and piercings with the caption "describe him in one word". A friend of mine had commented on it, and, although I don't typically, for some reason I searched for her comment. It wasn't long before I found it. Unfortunately I can't find it now, so I will have to paraphrase what I remember.

"I am sure at least half of you are anti-bullying. Everyone's calling this man ugly, stupid, unemployable, etc. I have even seen some religious based comments. Are you all forgetting that he is a child of God, and that God loves him no matter what?"

I know that's not exactly why it was, but it's the basic gist of the comment she made. I just looked back at this post, and saw that there are now 449 000 comments. Most of them are judgemental, and negative. My friend's comment is one of maybe 1% that ask others to think about what they are doing, and not blindly judge.

This weekend as we celebrate Easter I hope that we can all remember that Christ suffered and died for each one of us. Remember that we are all children of God. He loves us all! I cannot even fathom how He does it, but I know it to be true. He cares about each of us individually, despite our shortcomings and weaknesses. Not only does He love, and care, but He is there...willing to help us every step of the way...we just need to accept Him into our lives.

If you get a chance I would encourage you to watch this video. It is by Brad Wilcox, and is entitled "His Grace is Sufficient". It is a wonderful talk about how we can use the Atonement most effectively in our lives.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLXr9it_pbY&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I hope you have a mighty fine Easter :)

Z

 

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Do what you Love!

I have always tried to live my life by the principle often quoted by Confucius "Find a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life". There are a few jobs I've had that I haven't stuck with very long simply because I have not enjoyed them. If I wake up in the morning dreading going to work, it's not going to be something I'll keep doing.

When I chose photography as a career this was the quote I was thinking about. I'm not in it for the money. I am fully aware that I will most likely never be wealthy as a photographer. I am ok with that. The reason I chose it w because I love it, and it suits my needs. I wanted to have a career that I could do from my home while at the same time being fully active in my role as a mother. I wanted something I could be creative with, and truly enjoy, and never have to worry about who was going to greet my children when they got home from school, or who would make their meals, and kiss their 'owies' better. Photography will do all of that for me! It is amazing.

So as I watched this video by Alan Watts it resonated with me. I fully believe what he said. There is no point living a life that you don't enjoy in order to make money to continue living your life that you don't enjoy. When you can wake up in the morning and be excited for what the day ahead has in store for you...that's life! That is how to live a full and happy life. I challenge you to watch this video, and let it change your life, no matter how scary or intimidating that change may seem at this time...

 

A life loving

Z

 

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Battle Wounds

In my lifetime I have had many many invisible aches, pains, and wounds. It's always disappointing to me though when I can tell people what I am feeling, but have nothing to show for it. I remember after the accident I was in almost 2 years ago (http://lasagneslife.blogspot.ca/2011/05/perspective.html) I was actually ecstatic that I had a giant bruise I could show people from my seatbelt. The extent of my injuries went far beyond that, but having that to show almost made it feel more ok to be hurting.

This morning I woke up and found a large bruise on my elbow...and it made me smile. A long time ago I had a doctor who told me that it was probably not a good idea to try downhill skiing, because I have really bad knees. For years I listened to everyone's amazing skiing stories, and watched exhilarated looks as they told them. I always just thought I'd be ok sticking to the cross country skiing that I know and love, and never feel the desire to try downhill. Last year though, that changed. One of the families that I work for owns a cabin on a ski hill close to the Bigger City, and I had the opportunity to watch their girls up there a few times. Being up there, watching all of these people ski by looking like they were having the time of their lives, made me really want to try it one day. In the back of my mind I was hearing my doctor say no, but a lot has changed since then, I can do much more before my knees hurt, and it really feels like they are stronger than ever, so I began to justify my reasons to ignore that counsel. It looked like fun, and I was going to do it! Then I chickened out, and purposefully didn't make time for it.

This year I have been at the cabin 6 times, and each time felt my desire to try downhill growing. Last night I arranged with a couple of friends to head up the mountain for a 10 dollar Friday trip. Armed with the knowledge that I was new at this, and having no idea what they were getting into, they chose skiing over tubing as our activity for the evening. I was nervous, scared, and thrilled beyond belief, all at the same time!

I was feeling pretty good as we rode the gondola to the village to buy our tickets. That good feeling left the minute that we started the rental process haha. All of a sudden the enormity of what I was about to do began to hit me. As I got strapped into my boots, realized that my feet were entirely immobilized, and I could barely walk I started feeling sorry for my friends. But I walked out of there feeling confident enough to try it at least! As we walked out into the snow the boys gave me a crash course on the basics, I put on my skis, and I was off...for about 15 feet until I ended up on the ground. I had forgotten to do up my helmet, so it landed about 5 feet away from me. Fail!

At that point I realized how difficult it is to stand up without the use of your ankles! As the night continued I got better at it, but that first time took a lot of trial and error. I had lost what little confidence I had that this was a good idea with that first fall, and the next thing staring at me was a large metal tunnel. Convinced I was going to run into it and really hurt myself, and amid instructions of 'make your skis look like a pizza slice', 'don't forget to turn', 'stand like you are taking a poop', and my personal favourite 'just, whatever you do, don't think!' I went again...and crashed again. But I didn't hit the tunnel! The night pretty much continued on like that, so I won't bore you with the details. I did a lot of sliding on my behind. I hit my head pretty good twice (thank goodness for that helmet!). I learned that my feet could twist around the opposite way from my legs, and somehow not break! I even managed to throw one of my skis off my foot on one of my falls. Sometime in the night I hit my elbow bad enough to get the bruise that I found this morning. I did manage not to run into anything though! I finished off the hill after an hour and a half with a pretty impressive run around the last corner, and down to the bottom (one of the guys said I went about 70 feet...it felt like it was further, but I'll take his word for it) before I crashed. That one hurt though, because I was going the fastest I had all night. I successfully navigated the chair lift, and managed to make it from the lift to about 10 feet from the rental shop without falling once! I decided to take the skis off before pushing it and not being able to say that haha.

So, in summary, it was a very painful and humbling experience full of laughter, and memories I will never forget! I am so grateful for the patience that my friends had with me, even though spending an hour and a half on one run down the bunny hill probably wasn't how they pictured their fun evening of skiing. I learned that downhill skiing isn't really for me, although I'm not going to say that I'll never go again...just probably not for a very very long time. I also learned that I will have to marry someone who can teach our children downhill...I'll teach x-country happily!

A sore, and banged up, but happy

Z

 

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Party Days...

When I turned 25 everyone asked me what big plans I had for this year...what I planned to accomplish, and what I was planning to change about my life. I finally have an answer...this year is turning into my 'Party year'.

Now I need you to understand that I say this with some trepidation. I am still the one who is most often tired by 9, giddy by 10, and sleeping standing up long before 11. In the last few weeks though I have learned that if I push myself past that point I can stay up long past the wee hours of the morning. In the last week alone I have gone to bed mid-morning twice, early morning twice, and long past when I should have twice...I did need one night of a break in between haha. I have experienced the closest thing to a hangover I think I'll ever get without drinking, and 3 mornings where I walked out of my bedroom and couldn't really remember details of the night before until I looked around at the kitchen and living room. This morning though was the deciding moment as I took a late-morning walk to pick up my van from where it spent the night at my friend's house. As I was thinking about everything I have done this last week I was actually kind of amazed! The other part of me though is very much looking forward to some sleep filled days coming up...

When it comes down to it I am still grateful that most of the time I remember those lectures in Psychology on the importance of a good night's sleep. I'm pretty sure my memory would be a lot better if I listened to them! It is nice to know though that I'm not too old to let loose and have fun sometimes still :)

A very sleep deprived,

Z

 

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How does it feel?

I am a pretty tough person to surprise. Growing up I loved Agatha Christie novels, as well as Nancy Drew, and the Boxcar Children, and really any book or series with some kind of detective. As a result though I caught the detective bug, and have usually been pretty good at figuring things out.

Having said that though I love watching movies where something gets planned, and whatever it is, the girl has no idea...it's a total surprise. I have always wanted that for myself...but thus far nobody has been able to pull off any party/date/event of any kind as a total surprise. (to be fair to those who have tried I should mention that I have often sabotaged these attempts myself by being extra curious!) I was talking to a friend the other day, and we were discussing surprise proposals. I have always felt like I wanted to be truly surprised when that day comes for me, but during that discussion I realized that since I've never been surprised before whoever that man is is going to have to work extra-specially hard to pull it off...and I kind of started to lose hope in that happening.

Fast forward to today. Tonight I am going on a double date, and besides the fact that we are going out for dinner I know no details of it whatsoever...and even that is just speculation since we are meeting at a restaurant. It is now less than 5 hours to the date, and so far it is a complete surprise! Not gonna lie...I'm kind of excited. A huge part of me is hoping that these 2 fantastic guys manage to pull this off! It would make me so happy!

So...if either of you happen to read this in the next couple of hours...realize how important this is to me. And, although I will try really really hard not to get any info out of you, if my detective brain takes over please don't give in!

Here's hoping that after 25 years I will finally know what it feels like to be surprised...

Z

 

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Untitled

I heard a crash and then a cheer

On an icy Winter day

I went out to investigate

And the waves drew me in near

 

As I walked along the snowy path

The scene became more clear

The wind threw my hair across my face

The trees began to sneer

 

I saw the life I thought I'd have

By now if plans were mine

But then I saw another one

Not so governed by time

 

The waves rolled in again so fast

And crashed against the ice

It cut a piece off, threw it up

As though a game of dice

 

The honking geese flew on above

A southbound path to follow

My heart was filled with abundant love

For God who this dream did allow

 

The knives soaring on the icy wind

Drew me from my reverie

As I gazed out across the lake

A peaceful calm overcame me

 

I still do not know where I'll be

In ten years, or even three

But for now I'm grateful for where I am

And the waves that spoke to me

 

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A New Year, A New Beginning

Well, when I went to title this entry I used the same title as I did for my new year entry last year...which proves that although I haven't written in a long time obviously I still think the same! Haha. Anyways, Welcome to 2013!!!

Looking back at the last time I wrote I realize it was right before my life got crazy busy, and lots of new things happened...funny how that works isn't it? I'm sorry that my tendency has been to write only in the boring times of my life lol. That will change this year I hope!

To give you the Coles Notes version on the last 3/4 of my year last year...

I shot a wedding with one of my best friends...then a week later I got to shoot his wedding!

I got to catch up with an old friend, and had a blast doing it! Shot S and K's wedding with her :)

Spent a couple of weekends out around Castlegar, Creston, and Trail. Decided one day I will move out that way, because it's beautiful! Got caught in the most intense rainstorm ever...and loved it! It was seriously the best!

I moved...again. This time right into the Bigger City :S

Summer hit! I got a cat, edited wedding pictures, unpacked a little, edited wedding pictures, worked, edited wedding pictures, got to go to Sesame Street Live again, went to a streetdance, went back to do more wedding picture editing...I'm sure you get the idea!

C and I had a Canada Day party that consisted of 30 something people in our tiny basement suite. Good times! We went up to Kuipers Peak and got to watch 3 different sets of fireworks over the lake. It was beautiful!

On the August Long Weekend there was a YSA conference again. This time I didn't plan it, so I was a little more free during it. I got to spend much of the weekend catching up with friends I hadn't seen in a while...which is always the best part of any conference!

The week after the conference was a historic weekend for the YSA out here as the Kelowna YSA Incubator Branch was formed within the Kelowna 2nd Ward. For months prior to this I was constantly trying to put rumours that I was being called as the Relief Society President to rest. But alas...they were true. I was terrified, excited, and feeling somewhat ready for the challenge as I accepted the call on Aug 12. I had no idea what I was in for! Haha.

September brought another wedding to shoot, a trip home to see my family, and the decision to begin preparations to go through the Temple.

October gave me many wonderful memories leading up to my 25th birthday! General Conference was incredible, and exciting, with many wonderful talks, and the historic announcement of the minimum Missionary age being lowered. Thanksgiving included me making my first Turkey at my house, discovering the need to one day marry a man who knows how to carve a turkey so it doesn't end up a shredded mess lol, a Beautiful KVR walk with many wonderful stories as friendships were built, and a Potluck Thanksgiving Dinner with some of the YSA and the Garrett's. After Thanksgiving came some super busy weeks, including one of the toughest weeks of my year from which I was only saved by a date getting postponed. I got to sing in a show at the Bike Shop Cafe, and was blessed to have a wonderful friend come to listen :) I also had the chance to go to The City for a Sunday to attend the farewell of a good friend as he left on his Mission, and then out to the Coast for a Halloween Dance - which was the first dance ever that all three of us sisters got to attend together, and a great Activity weekend including a super muddy trip through a corn maze. My birthday was wonderful from start to finish, filled with lots of friends and laughter.

In November I got to go through the Temple for my first time. The preparations leading up to it seemed to go extremely fast, and I am grateful for that because it gave me less chances to worry. It was an absolutely incredible day, and I was very blessed to have both of my parents, and many close friends who have influenced my life there to share that day with me. It is a day I will never forget! I also began to wonder around November if maybe my time the the Bigger City was coming to an end and whether or not it was time for me to start thinking about moving on...

December was the perfect end to a very full year! It began with a dress rehearsal and performance of a Christmas Cantata that we had been practicing since September. I was given the amazing opportunity to perform Mary's Solo, as she learned that she was to bear the Son of God. It was such a fantastic experience I cannot even describe it beyond just saying that it was so humbling. I was blessed to get to sing beside a wonderful friend/amazing man, and I couldn't have asked for a better experience! Also at the beginning of December a good friend ended up in the hospital for a week. I am so grateful that she is still with us today and doing better than ever! Around the middle of the month I learned a lot about myself as I went on the best first date I have ever been on. I am so grateful for chances like that to not only have fun, and get to know someone else, but to understand a little bit more about me too. A week before Christmas I got laid off. It took me by surprise and I had a tough time dealing with it to begin with, but in a way it was an answer to prayer. I found a new position 2 days later, and signed a one year contract with them...so I guess my answer was that it's not time for me to leave yet! Christmas was wonderful, and I am thankful that I got to spend it with my family. My brothers got to come back to the Bigger City with me for a week after Christmas too, which was fun!

So that brings me all the way to now! It was another year full of learning and growth...and I am anticipating that the year ahead will bring more with it as well. But that is why we are here, right?!

Until next time...

Z

 

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