Dear 25 year old me,
I know that you're sitting there on the day before Mother's Day feeling lost and alone, wondering when it will be your turn to celebrate this day that feels so very important. I remember those days, sitting there, wondering if you will ever meet someone who loves you and wants to be your partner. You have been hurt over and over in your journey to find someone, and I know it feels like it will never happen...
But 2 years from now you will be head over heels in love with your husband! He is imperfect, but loves you so perfectly. He will take you by surprise at the perfect time and will quickly become your whole world. All of the hurt that you have been through will make sense as you come to understand each of your separate journeys to find each other. You each had to find strength in who you were individually before you could come together in the way that you did. I don't want to give too much away, but just know that he is worth the wait.
I know that you're looking for some magical story about the family that you 2 have built together, but unfortunately that part of your story doesn't go like you've hoped. Our babies have not had the opportunity to join us in this life. We have gone through so much and have sacrificed as much as we were able to, and we still don't understand it, and probably never truly will.
But slowly through all of this you will come to understand that your worth is not defined by the number of children in matching outfits that you have singing to you on Mother's Day. Your worth is defined by the love in your heart. You will wonder every day what life could have been like if your babies got to come home with you, but little by little you will come to understand that a part of them did, and you will spend your life honoring that part of them. You will grow to understand that you have a greater capacity to love than you can understand, and you will share that love with others who are walking a journey through life with a family that looks different than they dreamed of.
You are a warrior. There will be many days where it feels like you are heading towards defeat, but that is wrong. You will continue to grow and learn. Your journey is hard, but it will push you to understand yourself so much more, and to become comfortable with not being comfortable. I don't know how this journey ends for us, but we will keep fighting every day to make sure that we are leaving a legacy for those walking this journey after us.
Love,
35 year old me.
