I love the Blood Suckers!

I remember a few years back when I first started seriously considering donating blood.  I was nervous...probably somewhat due to the stories I had heard growing up of my dad fainting in front of his football team when he went.  (Dad...if you're reading this...I love you! haha)  I found though that the more "frequent donors" I talked to the less scary it sounded.  I made 3 appointments back while I was living in the City, but had to cancel each time because I got sick just before. 

When I moved to the Little Town I temporarily lost the drive that I needed in order to make the commitment to make the journey to the closest clinic (now 45 minutes 1 way to the closest temporary one, and 1.5 hrs to the closest permanent one).   I still wanted to do it...someday...but I didn't really put the effort into making it happen.

Last year though, just before my move, I went to visit my little sister.  On the way to her house I heard an ad on the radio by Canadian Blood Services asking people to donate for the long weekend.  I was tired, and feeling very impressionable...and since she had given me free reign to plan out our weekend I decided that was something we were going to do!  We answered all the questions right and made our appointments that evening for the following day.  (What can I say?  ...Don't ask me to make plans when I'm tired haha).

I was still a little nervous as we arrived at the clinic, but that soon went away with the help of friendly and informative staff, nurses, and phlebotomists (Just as an aside...if I ever decide to change careers I am going to become a phlebotomist!  Not only does it sound cool, but it just rocks as a job in general).  Everything went smoothly, we got to watch some Mr. Bean while we were making our donations, and we were given 1st time stickers, and pins, and all the cookies and juice we wanted when we were done! 

A few weeks later I got my card in the mail, making me an official donor, and informing me of my blood type.  All in all it was a totally positive experience, and actually a lot of fun.  I went back in November with a couple of friends in the Bigger City (ironically the clinic is still about a 35ish minute drive from my Sleepy Town, but since I am working in the Bigger City it doesn't seem that hard to get to anymore).  We raced to see who would get the fastest time, and had a ton of fun while we were there.  Then I went again last week with a different friend (it was her first time...yippee!). 

So, why do I donate blood?  Well, I consider it a privilege.  I have the opportunity to help 3 people every 58 days.  Not everyone can do that...and I am very lucky that I can.  It can be a lot of fun going with a group of people.  It can give you a chance to get to know others better and make new friends.  It is actually quite relaxing...both clinics that I've been to everyone is calm and smiling and happy...because anyone there is there because they want to be!  There's no rushing or stress that you find most other places these days.  It doesn't take long...and it's easy to fit in around other things.  And to top it all off you get a mini check-up and free cookies and juice! 

Maybe YOU can come with me next time :)
  <3 Z

What do you want to be?

Let me preface this post by saying that I have struggled with whether or not to write on this subject here many times.  Sometimes it's a scary thing making yourself vulnerable and then posting it on the internet for all to read.  Having said that though ultimately my decision is to write it, because maybe there's someone else out there feeling the same way that I am who can gain some comfort through my words...even if it's just to know that you are not alone.  I would also like to say how difficult it is writing this knowing that there are some people who know me who will be reading it.  If I was simply writing it for people I didn't know it would be much easier.  Please understand as you read this that this topic is a difficult one for me.  I am writing because I feel sometimes that it is the best way to sort out my thoughts, and because it helps me to gain strength in my belief in myself and my trust in my Heavenly Father.  I would ask that if you have positive comments or words of wisdom for me please share...but also please be sensitive to the fact that this is not easy, and if you have negative comments I would prefer that you keep them to yourself.

Alright, now that all of that is out of the way I'll begin. 

When I was in Senior Kindergarten (4 or 5 years old) my teacher once asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  My reply was "a Mom".  She said "that's very nice dear, but I mean what job would you like to have"?  I couldn't answer.  When I got home I vividly remember looking at my own mother and asking "Isn't being a mother enough?"  I had no greater desire than that of motherhood.

Fast forward a few years to when I was a teenager.  Everyone around me seemed to be asking what I wanted out of life.  I now had other answers.  There were many other things that I wanted to do with my life.  My desire to become a mother was still one of my top goals in my thoughts, but the few times that I let it out I was often mocked...so I learned not to talk about it.  In my head though I always thought that I'd get married young, and start my family early.  Never in a million years would it have occured to me that I would be where I am now...24, and single.

It hasn't been easy watching everyone around me moving forward with their lives...getting married and having children...in fact at times I have felt immense pain at the fact that I have not yet had this opportunity.  I have endured questions about my life and where it's headed for a long time, and I sometimes feel like I'm stuck.  I am at a point in my life where I can no longer rely only on myself to continue along the path that I wish to be on.  Having said that I have come to the realization that it is up to me to do all I can do, and then be patient and trust in the Lord's plan (and timing).

Today someone that I don't know very well asked me if I'd like to be a mother one day.  I answered in the affirmative of course...but to my surprize the question wasn't accompanied by the ache that I have become accustomed to.  It took me a few minutes to realize that this is because I have come to the point where I have enough faith in promises that the Lord has made to me that I am ok with working on his timeline.  I don't know how I got there, or why it was today that I finally was able to feel that peace, but I was overcome with gratitude for that little piece of understanding. 

Today in church we sang a hymn that has always had special meaning to me.  Some of the lyrics go like this...
              "Our Saviour's Love shines like the sun with perfect light,
                as from above it breaks through clouds of strife...
                ...Loud may the sound of hope ring 'till all doubt departs
                and we are bound to Him by loving ties..."
                       (parts of verses 1 and 2 of "Our Saviour's Love" text by Edward L. Hart)

I know with all of my heart that the Lord does love me.  That I am His child, and he cares.  He knows me, and along with that knowledge He understands my strengths and my weaknesses...and is always there to provide comfort as soon as I am willing to accept it.

I hope that if you ever feel inadequate, or lost as to where you are in life you can remember that the Lord is there to help you too :)
Thanks for listening!
Z