When I moved to O-Town a little more than 2 years ago I didn't really know anyone except my family...and rather than doing something about that I chose to surround myself with work, and become a hermit except for when I returned to The City on the weekends. This all worked very well for me at the time. I was making money, and since my boyfriend and all my friends lived in The City I figured there was no point in really making an effort to get to know people down here. ...Problem was that when my boyfriend and I split up (through a very long, drawn out, and emotionally draining process) I was all of a sudden left with next to no support system, and really no desire to venture back to The City as often anymore where all of my friends and support system resided. I learned very quickly what a corner I had backed myself into, but I felt blocked in from all sides, and was having a difficult time finding my way out.
Around this time I quit my second job due to car troubles, which freed up my evenings quite a bit...awesome in some ways, but with no way to fill them I began to really feel the immense pressure of the situation I was in.
A couple of months later though I was out at a YSA dance (which took every ounce of motivation I had left to even get myself to due to not really wanting to face my life...) that ended up impacting my life in a positive way beyond what I could have even dreamed of. I was dancing with a guy that I had known for years, but hadn't talked to in a long time, when he said that they had just begun institute classes in the P-YSA. In my mind I wanted to fight it, and not go, but it was my weakness...the one thing I had truly been missing from The City. So I went. After a few more weeks of denial on my part and persuasion from the group I ventured out into the scary unknown of the P-YSA FHE...and I am so grateful that I did.
From that moment I have built some incredible friendships with some of the other P-YSA...2 of them in particular...and my life has been forever changed by each member of that group. I finally have somewhere that I can go where I fit in - where everyone fits in! There's no cliqueiness, or leaving people out just because. There's a wide variety of age, talents, interests, and ideas on life, and that's 100% ok. And my only problem with it is my own stubborness in denying myself of this group and these friendships for so long.
I can honestly say that I am truly grateful for all of my friends, and especially those few rare people who I can completely be myself around and trust with my innermost thoughts, wishes, weaknesses and heartaches. I feel like we have all been put together for a purpose, and that we are there to help each other come out of our shells, and be more comfortable with each other, in life, and with ourselves...
I cannot express enough appreciation for those amazing people who literally go WAY out of their way for me without a second thought, because it makes me feel special, and wanted. I also have so much gratitude in my heart for the talks and hugs that help me along my way. There are not enough words in the English language with a meaning deep enough to descibe the way I feel towards you...and I can only hope that I can show you through my actions what you mean to me, and that I can be that kind of a friend back to you in your time of need. At the very least I want to say thank you so much for being you :)
Last summer I had the opportunity to sing with my sister at a Music in the Park event here in O-Town. I was unsure if I was going to be able to make it through the song because I had had a very rough week with some bad news, and I was feeling particularily emotional that night...but we did it, and it is a memory I will never forget. The song was "For Good" from the musical "Wicked"...and the lyrics are very powerful...just have a quick read through them.
"I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason
bringing something we must learn
and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them
and we help them in return.
Well I don't know if I believe that's true,
but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you
Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better,
but because I knew you I have been changed
...for good
It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime
so let me say before we part
so much of me is made from what I've learned from you.
You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end I know you have re-written mine
by being my friend
Like a ship blown from it's mooring by a wind off the sea
like a seed dropped by a skybird in a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better,
but because I knew you (because I knew you) I have been changed
for good
And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness for the things I've done you blamed me for
...but then I guess we know there's blame to share
and none of it seems to matter anymore
...
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better, and because I knew you
...
I have been changed for good."
Isn't it beautiful?! It is the way I feel...and I couldn't say it better. So to those of you that have made a difference in my life, and changed me for the better - Thank you with all of my heart!!!! I love you so much, and all I can hope is that I can one day at least pay your kindness forward if I can't repay you...
No comments:
Post a Comment