It's a Wonderful Life!

Today I just feel so blessed to have had a chance to live my life. Is that strange? Maybe so, but let me explain.

Yesterday I worked a shift that went from 1:30 pm - 1 am. After getting home at 1:30 I was so wound up from forcing myself to stay awake for so long that I couldn't sleep...so I caught up on reading some friend's blogs, watched a couple shows, and finally fell asleep sometime between 2:30 and 3. Now, maybe to some of you that doesn't seem that bad, but you have to understand that I'm getting older, and having already pulled off a 3:30 am bedtime once this week my body was complaining when I got up this morning. Part of that may have been a result of knowing that my day today would consist of meetings, etc at the church from 10 am - 8:45 pm. For the first time in a long time I truly struggled getting up, and I felt quite unmotivated for my day.

After making it through my first meeting and lesson I sat in the second lesson block listening to a wonderful lesson on service and helping to make other's lives better through the little things and I began to realize that I was no longer tired...in fact I felt really happy to be there, and my motivation started to return. This continued through the rest of the day, and I am so grateful for that! Besides a small emotional hiccup during a broadcast this afternoon I got through everything quite well I think!

The homestretch of the day for me was during a musical presentation concert tonight. As I got to sit in the pre-performance run through I felt an overwhelming gratitude for being where I am right now. I am grateful for a Father in Heaven who knows me and understands my needs. I am so grateful for a Saviour who loves me unconditionally, and is always there for me through prayer when I need him. I am grateful to my earthly parents who taught me how to sing, and supported me in that as I grew. I am grateful to have music in my life, and be able to share it with others. And lastly, I am grateful for a Missionary who, as he was planning the night of music tonight, chose to take a chance and asked me to participate, never having heard me sing before. I have truly been missing singing in my life lately, and have been blessed with an opportunity to sing now the last 2 weeks, and next week again!

So that's why I am so happy that I got to live my life today. Because I got to feel that beautiful feeling of peace and gratitude that often eludes me in my busy schedule. And it was even sweeter because of the rough start I had this morning! Life is truly amazing, and I am so thankful for those moments when I am reminded of that.

On my way home tonight I was listening to a CD that I haven't heard in a while, and a song that I have truly loved from the first time I heard it came on. The lyrics go like this...

"I see an old woman rocking there

The sun shining softly on her silver hair

I wonder the secrets she holds deep inside

Is she smiling or hiding a tear in her eye?

She watches our day as her story unfolds

For you see, she is you grown old.

And with every decision you make today

You're creating the woman you'll be someday.

Just for now the old woman depends on you

She waits and she watches as you make her dreams come true..."

 

I love the perspective that this song gives me. It continues, but I figured that was enough to get the point across. Each day I truly hope that I am doing all I can be to be making her dreams come true...because I can tell you she has a lot! I am so thankful for the days that I have like today when I really feel like I am exactly where I need to be right in this moment. It helps me to feel like I am heading down the path I should be.

Always remember to trust the Lord and His plan for you. We are so lucky that He can see further down our path than we can :)

Love,

Z

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The Shift...

Have you ever had LDS Missionaries come knock at your door asking if you wanted to hear a message about Jesus Christ? If not, and you don't live under a rock, there is a good possibility that at some point in your life this will happen. When they do I think you should let them in, because they are typically pretty amazing people, and the message they have to share is fantastic! It's a message of Hope, Peace, and Love...and who doesn't need a little more of all of that in their life?

Anyways, I digress. Up until October 2012 the minimum age requirement for those applying to go on a mission for our church was 19 for young men, and 21 for young women. Those desiring to go would then fill out an application form ("papers"), and go through a bunch of interviews, and then finally be assigned an area in which to labour for a specific period of time (typically 18 months for young women, 24 for young men). In October of last year though there was an announcement made by Thomas S Monson (President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) that the minimum age of these young missionaries was being lowered to 18 for young men (with the provision that they had graduated high school or it's equivalent), and 19 for young women. This meant a couple of things... First of all, young men could now begin the application process up to 4 months before graduating high school to minimize the waiting period in between school and leaving (that's what my brother did, and he should be receiving his assignment, or "call" in the mail within a week...eek!). Secondly, it meant that many more young women would probably choose to go.

In our area in the Bigger City that second thing has been happening a lot! We have many girls who have left, and are preparing to leave soon on their missions. This has resulted in a temporary shift from having many more girls than guys in our group (as all the guys were leaving on missions and the girls were sticking around) to now having more guys than girls (as the girls are now leave, and guys are returning from having served their missions).

The result : Tonight I attended the Principles of Leadership class that is currently going on here. During the opening song I was leading the music for the 5 guys, and myself who were singing (there is a couple that teaches the class, so I wasn't the only woman in the room, but she was playing the piano). It was strange to hear all of these wonderful men's voices drowning out my own. It's something I am definitely not used to yet, but, if I'm being totally honest, something I think I will thoroughly enjoy getting used to haha.

It's a good thing I enjoy male company!

Make sure you say hi to our missionaries when you see them out and about...they may be my friends!

Z

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So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish...

I have been so busy figuring out my puzzle lately that I have been neglecting my writing. Oops! Really though the real reason I haven't been writing is because I've had so much to say, and no words with which to say it. It's made me a little bit messed up emotionally, and probably more than a little tough to be around...but such is life.
A year ago I moved into the Bigger City, and got a place with a new roommate. I knew her a little bit before moving out this way, and got to know her even better when I lived with her and her sister temporarily before finding my place out in my Sleepy Town. We made the decision to begin an adventure living together, found a place, and got the keys May 15, 2012. Today it's been just over a year of memories, fun, laughter, and tears that we have shared together, and we are now facing a separation for the next year and a half as she beings her own adventure as a dedicated servant of the Lord in Missouri. We had the opportunity to have this one last day off together to make memories before she leaves on Thursday. So we took advantage of it.
As we headed out for our afternoon "date" together I had so much that I wanted to say, and no idea how to put it into words...but as we walked and talked I remembered all of the reasons that I am so blessed to be able to call her my friend. We don't always see eye to eye, and we definitely have our differences. Life has sometimes thrown us each for a loop, and boys got in the way a few times. I think often those things that we admired in each other led to the biggest misunderstandings. Through it all though I know that she is one of my very best friends, and I couldn't have asked for a better, more loving roommate to have shared moments with me in the last year.
One of my favourite things that we talked about today were our top 5 memories from the last year together. I'm going to list them mostly so I can remember...but also for laughs :)
Her list:
Canada Day 2012...when we had over 30 people in our tiny basement suite, danced around in the London Drugs Parking lot, played Attack Monkey in the Middle, and went on the "safe rides" with the Vancouver Boys at the fair...
Clue...only because I was laughing at her because she was so terrible at playing
Our Pre-Institute dinner date in the back of my van...because the restaurant was closed for a private function. It was steamy...literally haha.
Our completely failed double date...those curve balls that life throws sometimes come really hard and fast and it's hard to figure out what to do with them except laugh!
And today...
My list:
Celebrating her first kiss
When Hermes the Fish died and she cheered
Attending the Temple together for the first time
When she got asked out on a date...and I had to convince her that that's what it was
Our original cuddlefest...none of the others have quite measured up yet
(and I cheated and added today as my 6th)
We also talked about defining moments in our lives this past year, and what life may be like when she comes back in approximately 79 weeks (not that I'm counting...but it already sounds like less in weeks rather than saying 20 whole months).
It was a wonderful way to end this adventure. The beauty of it though is that, as we both turn down our own paths at this fork in the road of life, we both know that we have forged an everlasting bond of friendship...and that brings a wonderful sense of peace...knowing that wherever life takes us from here on out we will always be a part of each other's journey in one way or another.
So for now this is it. I am excited to see what lies ahead!
Love you always My Dear...I am already looking forward to our welcome back date at our tree <3
Z

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The Piece That Doesn't Fit

Have you ever had one of those puzzle pieces that has fallen out of the box, and you can't figure out which puzzle it belongs to, so you just put it on the shelf until you forget about it? Lately I've figured out how that piece feels.

I haven't written much about what it's like being a Nanny. I love it so much! It's such a rewarding job, and so full of funny moments. Today on our way home after library class Miss Munchkin had a conversation with Baby Munchkin that cracked me up! It played out like this...

Miss M: "Baby M can you say glasses?"

Baby M tries

Miss M: "Baby M can you say button?"

Baby M tries

Miss M: "Baby M can you say car?"

Baby M tries

Miss M: "Baby M can you say Yaya? (the girl's name for me)"

Baby M: "Yup!"

It made me laugh out loud. It really is wonderful watching them learn and grow. I am so blessed to work for such amazing families who treat me with kindness and love.

No matter how amazing it is though it's also the reason I feel like that puzzle piece on the shelf. 9 hours of the day I get to sing songs, read books, snuggle, dance, imagine, wrestle, kiss boo boos better, swing at the playground, make baby food, go for walks, and have play dates. I get to talk to moms, enjoy 'adult time', and learn from them. I get to enjoy every minute of having little ones around who look up to me, and love me.

When supper time rolls around though I give them back. I get to head back home and be an adult. So my puzzle piece doesn't quite fit in the 'caregiver' puzzle.

When I go home I am all of a sudden back to being a young single adult. I can do what I want when I want. Nobody will scream if I don't have dinner ready by a certain time. Nobody is there to ask me to help fix a broken toy. I get to be free. But I feel like I don't quite fit there either. I don't have endless energy to stay out until all hours, or even the desire to. My "today at work" stories are all about kids, and don't really get a big response from the other YSAs. I don't often go out on dates, and when people come over I tend to do the cooking and cleaning around them while they play games, and talk. More often than not lately I feel separate from the group...like I'm just there out of convenience more than anything else. I feel like my piece doesn't quite go into that puzzle either.

I have been starting to feel a little bit forgotten lately...like it's not worth other's time to try to help me figure out which puzzle I might actually fit in to. I realize this isn't really anyone's fault but mine. As I try to solve the mystery though, and find my puzzle box I am grateful to know that I will always fit in the box marked "Daughters of God". No matter how alone and forgotten I feel I know that my Heavenly Father is always there to listen to me, and help guide my path, and for that I am truly grateful...

Z

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A Child of God

This morning I checked my Facebook. Not too far down on my newsfeed was a photo of a man with many tattoos and piercings with the caption "describe him in one word". A friend of mine had commented on it, and, although I don't typically, for some reason I searched for her comment. It wasn't long before I found it. Unfortunately I can't find it now, so I will have to paraphrase what I remember.

"I am sure at least half of you are anti-bullying. Everyone's calling this man ugly, stupid, unemployable, etc. I have even seen some religious based comments. Are you all forgetting that he is a child of God, and that God loves him no matter what?"

I know that's not exactly why it was, but it's the basic gist of the comment she made. I just looked back at this post, and saw that there are now 449 000 comments. Most of them are judgemental, and negative. My friend's comment is one of maybe 1% that ask others to think about what they are doing, and not blindly judge.

This weekend as we celebrate Easter I hope that we can all remember that Christ suffered and died for each one of us. Remember that we are all children of God. He loves us all! I cannot even fathom how He does it, but I know it to be true. He cares about each of us individually, despite our shortcomings and weaknesses. Not only does He love, and care, but He is there...willing to help us every step of the way...we just need to accept Him into our lives.

If you get a chance I would encourage you to watch this video. It is by Brad Wilcox, and is entitled "His Grace is Sufficient". It is a wonderful talk about how we can use the Atonement most effectively in our lives.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLXr9it_pbY&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I hope you have a mighty fine Easter :)

Z

 

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Do what you Love!

I have always tried to live my life by the principle often quoted by Confucius "Find a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life". There are a few jobs I've had that I haven't stuck with very long simply because I have not enjoyed them. If I wake up in the morning dreading going to work, it's not going to be something I'll keep doing.

When I chose photography as a career this was the quote I was thinking about. I'm not in it for the money. I am fully aware that I will most likely never be wealthy as a photographer. I am ok with that. The reason I chose it w because I love it, and it suits my needs. I wanted to have a career that I could do from my home while at the same time being fully active in my role as a mother. I wanted something I could be creative with, and truly enjoy, and never have to worry about who was going to greet my children when they got home from school, or who would make their meals, and kiss their 'owies' better. Photography will do all of that for me! It is amazing.

So as I watched this video by Alan Watts it resonated with me. I fully believe what he said. There is no point living a life that you don't enjoy in order to make money to continue living your life that you don't enjoy. When you can wake up in the morning and be excited for what the day ahead has in store for you...that's life! That is how to live a full and happy life. I challenge you to watch this video, and let it change your life, no matter how scary or intimidating that change may seem at this time...

 

A life loving

Z

 

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Battle Wounds

In my lifetime I have had many many invisible aches, pains, and wounds. It's always disappointing to me though when I can tell people what I am feeling, but have nothing to show for it. I remember after the accident I was in almost 2 years ago (http://lasagneslife.blogspot.ca/2011/05/perspective.html) I was actually ecstatic that I had a giant bruise I could show people from my seatbelt. The extent of my injuries went far beyond that, but having that to show almost made it feel more ok to be hurting.

This morning I woke up and found a large bruise on my elbow...and it made me smile. A long time ago I had a doctor who told me that it was probably not a good idea to try downhill skiing, because I have really bad knees. For years I listened to everyone's amazing skiing stories, and watched exhilarated looks as they told them. I always just thought I'd be ok sticking to the cross country skiing that I know and love, and never feel the desire to try downhill. Last year though, that changed. One of the families that I work for owns a cabin on a ski hill close to the Bigger City, and I had the opportunity to watch their girls up there a few times. Being up there, watching all of these people ski by looking like they were having the time of their lives, made me really want to try it one day. In the back of my mind I was hearing my doctor say no, but a lot has changed since then, I can do much more before my knees hurt, and it really feels like they are stronger than ever, so I began to justify my reasons to ignore that counsel. It looked like fun, and I was going to do it! Then I chickened out, and purposefully didn't make time for it.

This year I have been at the cabin 6 times, and each time felt my desire to try downhill growing. Last night I arranged with a couple of friends to head up the mountain for a 10 dollar Friday trip. Armed with the knowledge that I was new at this, and having no idea what they were getting into, they chose skiing over tubing as our activity for the evening. I was nervous, scared, and thrilled beyond belief, all at the same time!

I was feeling pretty good as we rode the gondola to the village to buy our tickets. That good feeling left the minute that we started the rental process haha. All of a sudden the enormity of what I was about to do began to hit me. As I got strapped into my boots, realized that my feet were entirely immobilized, and I could barely walk I started feeling sorry for my friends. But I walked out of there feeling confident enough to try it at least! As we walked out into the snow the boys gave me a crash course on the basics, I put on my skis, and I was off...for about 15 feet until I ended up on the ground. I had forgotten to do up my helmet, so it landed about 5 feet away from me. Fail!

At that point I realized how difficult it is to stand up without the use of your ankles! As the night continued I got better at it, but that first time took a lot of trial and error. I had lost what little confidence I had that this was a good idea with that first fall, and the next thing staring at me was a large metal tunnel. Convinced I was going to run into it and really hurt myself, and amid instructions of 'make your skis look like a pizza slice', 'don't forget to turn', 'stand like you are taking a poop', and my personal favourite 'just, whatever you do, don't think!' I went again...and crashed again. But I didn't hit the tunnel! The night pretty much continued on like that, so I won't bore you with the details. I did a lot of sliding on my behind. I hit my head pretty good twice (thank goodness for that helmet!). I learned that my feet could twist around the opposite way from my legs, and somehow not break! I even managed to throw one of my skis off my foot on one of my falls. Sometime in the night I hit my elbow bad enough to get the bruise that I found this morning. I did manage not to run into anything though! I finished off the hill after an hour and a half with a pretty impressive run around the last corner, and down to the bottom (one of the guys said I went about 70 feet...it felt like it was further, but I'll take his word for it) before I crashed. That one hurt though, because I was going the fastest I had all night. I successfully navigated the chair lift, and managed to make it from the lift to about 10 feet from the rental shop without falling once! I decided to take the skis off before pushing it and not being able to say that haha.

So, in summary, it was a very painful and humbling experience full of laughter, and memories I will never forget! I am so grateful for the patience that my friends had with me, even though spending an hour and a half on one run down the bunny hill probably wasn't how they pictured their fun evening of skiing. I learned that downhill skiing isn't really for me, although I'm not going to say that I'll never go again...just probably not for a very very long time. I also learned that I will have to marry someone who can teach our children downhill...I'll teach x-country happily!

A sore, and banged up, but happy

Z

 

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Party Days...

When I turned 25 everyone asked me what big plans I had for this year...what I planned to accomplish, and what I was planning to change about my life. I finally have an answer...this year is turning into my 'Party year'.

Now I need you to understand that I say this with some trepidation. I am still the one who is most often tired by 9, giddy by 10, and sleeping standing up long before 11. In the last few weeks though I have learned that if I push myself past that point I can stay up long past the wee hours of the morning. In the last week alone I have gone to bed mid-morning twice, early morning twice, and long past when I should have twice...I did need one night of a break in between haha. I have experienced the closest thing to a hangover I think I'll ever get without drinking, and 3 mornings where I walked out of my bedroom and couldn't really remember details of the night before until I looked around at the kitchen and living room. This morning though was the deciding moment as I took a late-morning walk to pick up my van from where it spent the night at my friend's house. As I was thinking about everything I have done this last week I was actually kind of amazed! The other part of me though is very much looking forward to some sleep filled days coming up...

When it comes down to it I am still grateful that most of the time I remember those lectures in Psychology on the importance of a good night's sleep. I'm pretty sure my memory would be a lot better if I listened to them! It is nice to know though that I'm not too old to let loose and have fun sometimes still :)

A very sleep deprived,

Z

 

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How does it feel?

I am a pretty tough person to surprise. Growing up I loved Agatha Christie novels, as well as Nancy Drew, and the Boxcar Children, and really any book or series with some kind of detective. As a result though I caught the detective bug, and have usually been pretty good at figuring things out.

Having said that though I love watching movies where something gets planned, and whatever it is, the girl has no idea...it's a total surprise. I have always wanted that for myself...but thus far nobody has been able to pull off any party/date/event of any kind as a total surprise. (to be fair to those who have tried I should mention that I have often sabotaged these attempts myself by being extra curious!) I was talking to a friend the other day, and we were discussing surprise proposals. I have always felt like I wanted to be truly surprised when that day comes for me, but during that discussion I realized that since I've never been surprised before whoever that man is is going to have to work extra-specially hard to pull it off...and I kind of started to lose hope in that happening.

Fast forward to today. Tonight I am going on a double date, and besides the fact that we are going out for dinner I know no details of it whatsoever...and even that is just speculation since we are meeting at a restaurant. It is now less than 5 hours to the date, and so far it is a complete surprise! Not gonna lie...I'm kind of excited. A huge part of me is hoping that these 2 fantastic guys manage to pull this off! It would make me so happy!

So...if either of you happen to read this in the next couple of hours...realize how important this is to me. And, although I will try really really hard not to get any info out of you, if my detective brain takes over please don't give in!

Here's hoping that after 25 years I will finally know what it feels like to be surprised...

Z

 

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Untitled

I heard a crash and then a cheer

On an icy Winter day

I went out to investigate

And the waves drew me in near

 

As I walked along the snowy path

The scene became more clear

The wind threw my hair across my face

The trees began to sneer

 

I saw the life I thought I'd have

By now if plans were mine

But then I saw another one

Not so governed by time

 

The waves rolled in again so fast

And crashed against the ice

It cut a piece off, threw it up

As though a game of dice

 

The honking geese flew on above

A southbound path to follow

My heart was filled with abundant love

For God who this dream did allow

 

The knives soaring on the icy wind

Drew me from my reverie

As I gazed out across the lake

A peaceful calm overcame me

 

I still do not know where I'll be

In ten years, or even three

But for now I'm grateful for where I am

And the waves that spoke to me

 

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A New Year, A New Beginning

Well, when I went to title this entry I used the same title as I did for my new year entry last year...which proves that although I haven't written in a long time obviously I still think the same! Haha. Anyways, Welcome to 2013!!!

Looking back at the last time I wrote I realize it was right before my life got crazy busy, and lots of new things happened...funny how that works isn't it? I'm sorry that my tendency has been to write only in the boring times of my life lol. That will change this year I hope!

To give you the Coles Notes version on the last 3/4 of my year last year...

I shot a wedding with one of my best friends...then a week later I got to shoot his wedding!

I got to catch up with an old friend, and had a blast doing it! Shot S and K's wedding with her :)

Spent a couple of weekends out around Castlegar, Creston, and Trail. Decided one day I will move out that way, because it's beautiful! Got caught in the most intense rainstorm ever...and loved it! It was seriously the best!

I moved...again. This time right into the Bigger City :S

Summer hit! I got a cat, edited wedding pictures, unpacked a little, edited wedding pictures, worked, edited wedding pictures, got to go to Sesame Street Live again, went to a streetdance, went back to do more wedding picture editing...I'm sure you get the idea!

C and I had a Canada Day party that consisted of 30 something people in our tiny basement suite. Good times! We went up to Kuipers Peak and got to watch 3 different sets of fireworks over the lake. It was beautiful!

On the August Long Weekend there was a YSA conference again. This time I didn't plan it, so I was a little more free during it. I got to spend much of the weekend catching up with friends I hadn't seen in a while...which is always the best part of any conference!

The week after the conference was a historic weekend for the YSA out here as the Kelowna YSA Incubator Branch was formed within the Kelowna 2nd Ward. For months prior to this I was constantly trying to put rumours that I was being called as the Relief Society President to rest. But alas...they were true. I was terrified, excited, and feeling somewhat ready for the challenge as I accepted the call on Aug 12. I had no idea what I was in for! Haha.

September brought another wedding to shoot, a trip home to see my family, and the decision to begin preparations to go through the Temple.

October gave me many wonderful memories leading up to my 25th birthday! General Conference was incredible, and exciting, with many wonderful talks, and the historic announcement of the minimum Missionary age being lowered. Thanksgiving included me making my first Turkey at my house, discovering the need to one day marry a man who knows how to carve a turkey so it doesn't end up a shredded mess lol, a Beautiful KVR walk with many wonderful stories as friendships were built, and a Potluck Thanksgiving Dinner with some of the YSA and the Garrett's. After Thanksgiving came some super busy weeks, including one of the toughest weeks of my year from which I was only saved by a date getting postponed. I got to sing in a show at the Bike Shop Cafe, and was blessed to have a wonderful friend come to listen :) I also had the chance to go to The City for a Sunday to attend the farewell of a good friend as he left on his Mission, and then out to the Coast for a Halloween Dance - which was the first dance ever that all three of us sisters got to attend together, and a great Activity weekend including a super muddy trip through a corn maze. My birthday was wonderful from start to finish, filled with lots of friends and laughter.

In November I got to go through the Temple for my first time. The preparations leading up to it seemed to go extremely fast, and I am grateful for that because it gave me less chances to worry. It was an absolutely incredible day, and I was very blessed to have both of my parents, and many close friends who have influenced my life there to share that day with me. It is a day I will never forget! I also began to wonder around November if maybe my time the the Bigger City was coming to an end and whether or not it was time for me to start thinking about moving on...

December was the perfect end to a very full year! It began with a dress rehearsal and performance of a Christmas Cantata that we had been practicing since September. I was given the amazing opportunity to perform Mary's Solo, as she learned that she was to bear the Son of God. It was such a fantastic experience I cannot even describe it beyond just saying that it was so humbling. I was blessed to get to sing beside a wonderful friend/amazing man, and I couldn't have asked for a better experience! Also at the beginning of December a good friend ended up in the hospital for a week. I am so grateful that she is still with us today and doing better than ever! Around the middle of the month I learned a lot about myself as I went on the best first date I have ever been on. I am so grateful for chances like that to not only have fun, and get to know someone else, but to understand a little bit more about me too. A week before Christmas I got laid off. It took me by surprise and I had a tough time dealing with it to begin with, but in a way it was an answer to prayer. I found a new position 2 days later, and signed a one year contract with them...so I guess my answer was that it's not time for me to leave yet! Christmas was wonderful, and I am thankful that I got to spend it with my family. My brothers got to come back to the Bigger City with me for a week after Christmas too, which was fun!

So that brings me all the way to now! It was another year full of learning and growth...and I am anticipating that the year ahead will bring more with it as well. But that is why we are here, right?!

Until next time...

Z

 

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An Answer!

This morning I was frustrated.  I was thinking too much, and I couldn't turn off my brain, and I just really needed to find an answer to a question in my life.  I spent hours this morning pondering on it to no avail...I was still just as frustrated as I was first thing.  I just decided to let it go...

I was supposed to have plans this evening, but late this afternoon those plans changed...which to begin with I was sad about, but it freed me up to go to a meeting I had been planning to skip.  I found my answer in a quote that was shared at that meeting, and then I was sooooo grateful for the change!  

 "Men and women who turn their lives over to God will discover that He can make a lot more out of their lives than they can.  He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace."
                 ~Ezra Taft Benson

What an amazing promise!  I am so grateful for the ways the Lord works in my life to make sure that I have access to the answers that I seek for.  I am so blessed to have the people and the programs in my life that help me along in my journey...

Z

Falling in Love...

  I am a clumsy person, and I often fall.  I have fallen in holes, ditches, mud puddles, piles of muck, pretty much anything you can think of...but I have never "fallen" in love.
  I have been in love before.  But that love came through patience, time, commitment, dedication, and work...it didn't just HAPPEN like when you fall into something.
  In this world of instantaneous-ness (no that's not a word, but no I don't really care :P) almost everything happens right away, and I think sometimes we forget that just because something isn't right there right now doesn't mean it's never going to happen.  Love is a strange feeling, because it's unpredictable...you never really know when or how you will feel it...but I have never heard of a time when true love didn't require all of those things that I mentioned before.
  I know that for me feelings of love come after a base of friendship and trust is firmly developed...and that can take a while.  But I also know that it is worth the work to get there!
  So I'm curious...what are your experiences in love?

Z

Redefining Independence

I am woman hear me ROAR!

I am not a stereotypical girly-girl.  I don't like the colour pink, I don't spend hours on my hair and make-up every morning, and I rarely talk on the phone for hours on end.  I grew up doing what needed to be done.  I have changed my own spark plugs, distributor cap and wires, and air filters; I have worked cleaning carpets, installing fireplaces, and doing every job on our family farm.  I love canoeing, hiking, and camping...and by camping I mean every kind, including in the bush with no toilets/running water of any kind.  I am just as happy in a wood shop as I am in my living room knitting.

I have always considered myself an independent woman.  I am more than happy to do the jobs no other girls want to do, because it's messy, or icky, or requires muscles.  I love the movie "Ever After", because the main character rescues herself...before the prince gets there...unlike in every other fairytale known to man.  I despise the terms "woman's work" and "a man's job"...you'd better believe that if I'm going to be out there mucking out stalls and fixing irrigation I would be thrilled to have help cooking and cleaning!
Recently though my views have changed a tiny bit.  Not on this whole theory of independence as a whole, but rather what it means to me...

When I moved to the Bigger City, and my roommate and I were looking around for a place to live we ended up finding an incredible basement suite for an amazing price in what became my Sleepy Town.  The selling point of this particular suite?  It has an honest to goodness wood burning fireplace!  I have loved every minute of having it...even those minutes where I had to open doors and windows because it got too smokey haha.  I may have even sat in my living room once or twice and just watched the fire burning...and thought about how wonderfully lucky we were to find this place!  I love chopping the kindling, building the fires, tending to them, adding wood, all of it!  And to begin with I didn't really share those responsibilities well.

At the beginning of February I had some people over for a Double Date night.  I was out for the afternoon, and we all came back together, so when we got here dinner needed to be finished...but it was cold, so the fire also needed to be started.  After a minute of contemplation over how I was going to do everything that needed to be done I admitted that these 2 extremely capable men could probably handle the fire...and so I handed that over to them while us girls went to finish dinner.  That night the boys took care of the fire.  I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about it, but I was ok with it for the most part.

Since then there have been a few more nights of handing the fire over to the guys who happen to be around...and to be honest I haven't really thought too much about it.  Last night though one of those original 2 guys was here again, and from the minute he walked in the door the fire was his...without being asked.  This made me realize that I actually truly appreciated it!  It was nice not to have to get up in the middle of dinner to turn the wood, or add another log.  It was also nice not to have to verbally delegate the job.  It was nice just to sit back, and let someone else do what needed to be done!

This is where the beginning of this entry runs into the story...the me of before yesterday probably would have said something to the effect of "it's my fire, I can do it, you don't have to worry about it, sit and relax..."  Now though something has changed.  I've realized that being independent doesn't always have to mean doing everything yourself...sometimes it can mean realizing that you are capable of doing something yourself, but sitting back, and letting someone else get the blessings of giving service...and enjoying being on the receiving end of that service!

Who knew that a simple fire could teach so much?

<3 Z
  

Billy Joel Love

Alright, just putting this out there...I think Billy Joel is wonderful!  Not only does he have a great story (it's not always easy to become famous), but I feel like he understands women.
I understand that that is a big claim, but have you ever heard the song "Tell her about it"?  If you haven't, you should!  Really, life is all about communication.  If you don't talk about things, seemingly important or unimportant, how are you ever going to get to know someone?  And once you know that person the communication needs to continue in order to grow together rather than apart.  This is true in any relationship, romantic or otherwise.
Then there's "She's got a way".  This song is the way to make any woman in your life feel special!  Maybe it's too sentimental for some people, but I absolutely love it.  Honestly...the song makes me melt.
He has so many other good ones too, and lots of fun ones, but those 2 are my absolute favourites...and I may listen to them way to much!  Are you a fan?  What are your favourite songs by him?

<3 Z

I love the Blood Suckers!

I remember a few years back when I first started seriously considering donating blood.  I was nervous...probably somewhat due to the stories I had heard growing up of my dad fainting in front of his football team when he went.  (Dad...if you're reading this...I love you! haha)  I found though that the more "frequent donors" I talked to the less scary it sounded.  I made 3 appointments back while I was living in the City, but had to cancel each time because I got sick just before. 

When I moved to the Little Town I temporarily lost the drive that I needed in order to make the commitment to make the journey to the closest clinic (now 45 minutes 1 way to the closest temporary one, and 1.5 hrs to the closest permanent one).   I still wanted to do it...someday...but I didn't really put the effort into making it happen.

Last year though, just before my move, I went to visit my little sister.  On the way to her house I heard an ad on the radio by Canadian Blood Services asking people to donate for the long weekend.  I was tired, and feeling very impressionable...and since she had given me free reign to plan out our weekend I decided that was something we were going to do!  We answered all the questions right and made our appointments that evening for the following day.  (What can I say?  ...Don't ask me to make plans when I'm tired haha).

I was still a little nervous as we arrived at the clinic, but that soon went away with the help of friendly and informative staff, nurses, and phlebotomists (Just as an aside...if I ever decide to change careers I am going to become a phlebotomist!  Not only does it sound cool, but it just rocks as a job in general).  Everything went smoothly, we got to watch some Mr. Bean while we were making our donations, and we were given 1st time stickers, and pins, and all the cookies and juice we wanted when we were done! 

A few weeks later I got my card in the mail, making me an official donor, and informing me of my blood type.  All in all it was a totally positive experience, and actually a lot of fun.  I went back in November with a couple of friends in the Bigger City (ironically the clinic is still about a 35ish minute drive from my Sleepy Town, but since I am working in the Bigger City it doesn't seem that hard to get to anymore).  We raced to see who would get the fastest time, and had a ton of fun while we were there.  Then I went again last week with a different friend (it was her first time...yippee!). 

So, why do I donate blood?  Well, I consider it a privilege.  I have the opportunity to help 3 people every 58 days.  Not everyone can do that...and I am very lucky that I can.  It can be a lot of fun going with a group of people.  It can give you a chance to get to know others better and make new friends.  It is actually quite relaxing...both clinics that I've been to everyone is calm and smiling and happy...because anyone there is there because they want to be!  There's no rushing or stress that you find most other places these days.  It doesn't take long...and it's easy to fit in around other things.  And to top it all off you get a mini check-up and free cookies and juice! 

Maybe YOU can come with me next time :)
  <3 Z

What do you want to be?

Let me preface this post by saying that I have struggled with whether or not to write on this subject here many times.  Sometimes it's a scary thing making yourself vulnerable and then posting it on the internet for all to read.  Having said that though ultimately my decision is to write it, because maybe there's someone else out there feeling the same way that I am who can gain some comfort through my words...even if it's just to know that you are not alone.  I would also like to say how difficult it is writing this knowing that there are some people who know me who will be reading it.  If I was simply writing it for people I didn't know it would be much easier.  Please understand as you read this that this topic is a difficult one for me.  I am writing because I feel sometimes that it is the best way to sort out my thoughts, and because it helps me to gain strength in my belief in myself and my trust in my Heavenly Father.  I would ask that if you have positive comments or words of wisdom for me please share...but also please be sensitive to the fact that this is not easy, and if you have negative comments I would prefer that you keep them to yourself.

Alright, now that all of that is out of the way I'll begin. 

When I was in Senior Kindergarten (4 or 5 years old) my teacher once asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  My reply was "a Mom".  She said "that's very nice dear, but I mean what job would you like to have"?  I couldn't answer.  When I got home I vividly remember looking at my own mother and asking "Isn't being a mother enough?"  I had no greater desire than that of motherhood.

Fast forward a few years to when I was a teenager.  Everyone around me seemed to be asking what I wanted out of life.  I now had other answers.  There were many other things that I wanted to do with my life.  My desire to become a mother was still one of my top goals in my thoughts, but the few times that I let it out I was often mocked...so I learned not to talk about it.  In my head though I always thought that I'd get married young, and start my family early.  Never in a million years would it have occured to me that I would be where I am now...24, and single.

It hasn't been easy watching everyone around me moving forward with their lives...getting married and having children...in fact at times I have felt immense pain at the fact that I have not yet had this opportunity.  I have endured questions about my life and where it's headed for a long time, and I sometimes feel like I'm stuck.  I am at a point in my life where I can no longer rely only on myself to continue along the path that I wish to be on.  Having said that I have come to the realization that it is up to me to do all I can do, and then be patient and trust in the Lord's plan (and timing).

Today someone that I don't know very well asked me if I'd like to be a mother one day.  I answered in the affirmative of course...but to my surprize the question wasn't accompanied by the ache that I have become accustomed to.  It took me a few minutes to realize that this is because I have come to the point where I have enough faith in promises that the Lord has made to me that I am ok with working on his timeline.  I don't know how I got there, or why it was today that I finally was able to feel that peace, but I was overcome with gratitude for that little piece of understanding. 

Today in church we sang a hymn that has always had special meaning to me.  Some of the lyrics go like this...
              "Our Saviour's Love shines like the sun with perfect light,
                as from above it breaks through clouds of strife...
                ...Loud may the sound of hope ring 'till all doubt departs
                and we are bound to Him by loving ties..."
                       (parts of verses 1 and 2 of "Our Saviour's Love" text by Edward L. Hart)

I know with all of my heart that the Lord does love me.  That I am His child, and he cares.  He knows me, and along with that knowledge He understands my strengths and my weaknesses...and is always there to provide comfort as soon as I am willing to accept it.

I hope that if you ever feel inadequate, or lost as to where you are in life you can remember that the Lord is there to help you too :)
Thanks for listening!
Z

Another Year Has Gone By...

2011 Stats

~Name: Lasagne
~Height: Still a hair taller than all my siblings...although this is the last time I'm going to be able to say that.
~Weight: 35 pounds less than last New Years
~Moves: 1
~Jobs Started: 4
~Jobs Quit: 3
~Car Accidents: 2...3 if you count running over the already dead deer.  But I wasn't driving for any of them!
~Vehicles Bought: 3
~Weddings Attended: 2...0 if you're counting as a guest lol.
~Funerals Attended: 2
~Photo Shoots: A Grand Total of 39!  Not too shabby :)
~Boyfriends: 0
~First Dates: 3
~Dates Total: Somewhere around 12-15 or so
~Kisses: 0
~Hugs: Tons! Yay :)
~Roommates: 2 temporary, 1 permanent
~New Friendships Acquired: More than I can count!
~Favourite Game: Quelf!  (Ok so it's not really a stat, but I don't care lol)
~YSA Conferences Attended: 2
~YSA Conferences Planned: 1
~Work Conferences Attended: 1
~Out Of Province Trips: 1
~2011 New Years Resolutions Completed: 2.5 out of 3!

Any other stats you want to know about...you can ask, but I don't guarantee an answer lol.

This has been an incredible year for me...one that I am sure I will never forget.  Lots of ups, downs, and in-betweens.  A huge number of lessons learned...but more still to come I'm sure.  I am so grateful for all of the wonderful people in my life who help me through the hard times, laugh with me in the good times, and are always there when I need them. 

Some of the most important lessons I have learned are:
  1.  The Lord truly does work in mysterious ways...and he knows what we need!  There are so many things this year that I can point to and see the Lord's hand in my life at that time.  What an incredible blessing that is!
  2.  No matter how close to the end of your rope you think you are if needed there's always another piece that can be tied on...and somehow it becomes stronger through it.  Last year if you had told me some of the things I would be dealing with this year I'd have laughed.  And probably made a comment about how it couldn't be done.  But I would have been wrong...because I made it through!
  3.  As independant of a person as I am I have truly come to understand the importance of learning to lean on others sometimes.  This is a hard lesson, and one that I'm sure I will need to re-learn many times in my life...but it's one that I have come to understand this year.  Sometimes it just can't be done alone.
  4.  Life is always ready with a new twist when you least expect it, but that's the beauty of it!  It is never boring, and it forces constant growth. 

I have no idea what the year ahead will bring to me...but I know that whatever comes, with the help and strength of the Lord and those around me, I am ready to face it.  I think my scripture for the year ahead will be this...
          "Trust in the Lord with all thy heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding. 
                   In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths."
                           ~Proverbs 3:5-6

I wish all the best to each of you for the year to come.  Make it a good one, and make lots of memories along the way!

Z

In an instant…

As many of you know this year vehicles have been the bane of my existence.  After being a passenger in 2 accidents, having 3 vehicles break down, and buying 3 new ones I have been drifting in my appreciation of the invention of the motor car.  Recently though I have realized how truly fortunate I’ve been in the fact that none of these experiences have ended up worse than they did.

  1 month ago today a choice was made by a driver.  I know no details about this driver at all…not age, name, gender…nothing.  Perhaps it was a young mother consumed in thoughts of what needed to be accomplished that day after dropping her children off at school.  Maybe it was a working man who left the house just a couple of minutes late that morning, and was concerned about losing the job that he and his family counted on if he was a couple of minutes late.  It could have been someone heading off to a job interview, nervous about how it was going to go, and wanting desperately to make a good impression.  Or possibly it was someone heading home tired after working a graveyard shift the night before.  Really it could have been anyone in any situation.  The fact is that someone made a choice…a simple lapse of judgement…a desire to get somewhere 2 minutes faster, a distraction that kept them from seeing the truck until it was too late to brake…whatever it was that caused them to swerve around that truck ended up being a life changing moment for them; costing a young man my age his life, and changing the lives of many people that I care about.

  Over this last month I have had so many thoughts in so many different directions directly related to this.  I want to share them with you, and I’m going to try to do it in a way that keeps it from being too jumbled, but forgive me if I don’t succeed!

  First, it is so important to make the most of every moment!  We really don’t ever know what will happen tomorrow…or even later today…so what’s the point in pushing things off until later?  If there’s something important that you want to do: Do it!  If there’s something that you want to say: Say it!  Don’t spend your time rationalizing why you shouldn’t do it now…just take initiative, and get it done.  Life is full of surprises, and twists and turns…and it’s not worth it to have to deal with regrets and ‘what if’s’.  To quote a movie that I love “ … ‘what’ and ‘if’ are two words as non-threatening as words can be.  But, put them together side by side, and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life… (Letters to Juliet)”  Don’t risk that being the case for you.  Live your dreams, stick to your beliefs, and most importantly make sure that the people that you love know that you do.

  Second, drive carefully!  That 2 extra minutes isn’t going to make that much of a difference.  Pay attention to the traffic and pedestrians around you.  Not only will slowing down and paying attention create safer roads for everyone, but you’ll be able to enjoy the beauty around you more.  Especially this time of year when the roads get slippery, and the weather more unpredictable, make sure that you are prepared.  Nothing is so important as being able to wake up tomorrow knowing that you are safe and guilt-free.

  Third, take comfort in knowing that the Lord has a plan.  Sometimes life doesn’t seem fair.  Sometimes, especially with those who are taken young, “Why?” seems an appropriate question to ask.  Not only is there mourning for a life lost, but there is almost always mourning for a life not yet fully lived.  It’s hard to accept that it’s happened, and harder to trust that there was a reason.  But the Lord knows each of us.  He understands our pain and heartache, no matter where it comes from, because He’s felt it too.  This young man’s mission in life was over…he had accomplished what he needed to, and so he was called home…and (hopefully many many years from now) he’ll have the privilege of being able to welcome each of his loved ones as they join him.  That’s the beauty of the Plan of Happiness.  To quote another favourite movie “…the Lord promised that we can be together as a family forever, even after we die…dying’s just still part of the deal.(Charly)”  It’s normal and natural for those left behind to mourn, and feel the sadness in the loss of one they love…but it’s also important to remember that it’s not the end of a journey, rather the beginning of a new branch of it!

  Last, but not least, is the importance of careful consideration of the choices that we make in life.  Every moment of each day there are decisions to make…some less important, some more…but each will have a consequence good or bad, and some will affect more than just ourselves.  There’s a quote from a book I’m reading right now that sums up my thoughts on this pretty well…

“Life comes down to a series of choices and decisions.  We find ourselves constantly at a crossroads.

There are a thousand possible paths.  You must decide which path is best for you.  It is not a decision that you must make today.  Take the time necessary to become familiar with your legitimate needs, deepest desires, and talents.  Start to make the small decisions of your day-to-day life in alignment with your essential purpose.  By honouring the meaning and purpose of your life in the small things, you will discover that the larger questions looming in your life become clearer and clearer.”

~ The Rhythm of Life, Matthew Kelly

…Well, that just about covers it all.  It’s been a month of many thoughts, and I hope you’ll find something in here worthwhile.  I don’t want you to feel that I think I’m perfect at all of this…because I’m far from it!  This blog has been just as much for reflection for myself as it has been to share it with you. 

Tell someone today that you love them!

Z

 

Today I Am Grateful For...

I have so very much to be grateful for at this time!  Never in a million years could I have imagined how my life would change over this last year, and I am grateful for every experience that I have had that's helped me to grow to the point that I am at now...and the people who have loved and supported me along my way.  Today I would like to share just a few of those things that I am most grateful for.  I will not be mentioning names, but chances are that if you're reading this you were a part of this for me in some way...and for that Thank You!

Today I am Grateful for my family...immediate, extended, and 'adopted'.  There are so many incredible people in my life...and for that I am truly blessed.  Whether you are a relation through blood, law, or choice I am soooooooooooo grateful for every one of you.  You make me want to be the best me that I can be.  Thank you for accepting me for who I am...including my many faults.  Thank you for taking me in, and making me feel important.  Thank you for your support.  And Thank You for loving me!

Today I am Grateful for my education...both formal, and life-taught.  Believe it or not my plan growing up was never to finish University...I was always going to meet a wonderful guy within my first couple of years, get married, and drop out of school to start a family.  I am so very thankful that someone had a better plan for me. Not only was I able to finish, but I am now planning to continue on 1 or 2 independent study courses at a time to get my BA in Psychology...not right away, but within the next couple of years.  No matter how far I continue my formal education though nothing will ever teach me more than what I have the privilege of doing every day of my life...and that is just living, and growing through my environments around me.  I have learned many things that nobody could teach me in any classroom...and although I've made many mistakes along the way I am truly grateful for every lesson I have had the opportunity to learn.  Thank you to all of my 'teachers' for your patience and support in this journey of life.

Today I am Grateful for my friends.  You are all wonderful!  Thank you for making me laugh, and listening to me, and helping me learn what's important in life.  Thank you for your love and your acceptance.  Thank you for not judging me based on appearance, or what others say.  Thank you for being who you are!

Today I am Grateful for my life...and I am grateful for every opportunity that I have been given in this last year to examine my life and re-plot my course.  There has been lots of heartache and pain along the way, but I know that I am a better and stronger me because of it!

Today I am also extremely Grateful for the testimony that I have of the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  I have had many incredible experiences throughout my life, and most particularly this past year, that have led me to know without a doubt that Christ lives, and He loves each of us...and although He will never take away our agency He only wants the best for every one of us, and as long as we are willing to listen and follow with faith He will guide us along our path to live with Him again!

Today I am overcome with Gratitude for so many wonderful things and people...  Thank you all for the role that you play in my life.

Z